Some people think that just because your marriage isn’t failing, you’ve actually achieved a successful marriage already. There are countless books out on the topic with nearly as many differing opinions and even more of the same unsolicited advice (is this advice really new?). If you’re in the midst of a failing marriage, your biggest challenge will be how to keep it from ending with your spouse dumping you and taking off. But what kind of person does that? What kind of person would do that?
Successful marriages take work and a person who wants a successful marriage will do everything in his or her power to make that happen. When there is friction in a relationship, whether it’s sexual or in the home, the goal is to find a way to resolve it. If your spouse digs his own grave and doesn’t know how to shovel it back up, he or she needs help. Help can come in the form of talking through problems, seeking assistance outside the home, and developing an authentic self-disclosure (that’s another word for self-examination). These are all ways to find a resolution to a relationship’s issues so that both spouses can move on with their lives.
There may be some difficult terrain to negotiate in order to achieve a successful marriage, but if you truly want to make your relationship work and learn how to get along better with your partner, you’ll climb that hill. That doesn’t mean you can’t find other differences to fight about, but those differences don’t have to define your married life. If a difference of opinion is having an impact on how the two of you interact with one another, even those differences which cause you conflict can be a positive thing.
Learning how to communicate is another vital step to making your relationship successful. A successful marriage requires two people who speak to each other with the full respect and understanding of their beliefs and words. A married couple needs to be aware of their conduct toward each other at all times so they can avoid hurtful things said or done. A person with whom you have to work to achieve a successful marriage is also going to need to be open with you, if for no other reason than that you need to be able to trust that person with whom you share a life. That’s basically the definition of marriage; two people who have chosen to make a commitment together.
It takes a lot to succeed at a goal, and there are many people who are unhappy with their marriages and wonder how to make them more successful. One reason why many people are struggling is unsolicited advice. Your partner may give unsolicited advice to try to bring you back to the bedroom or it may come in the form of an email, text, or phone call offering no judgment. Many times, these kinds of tactics are meant as a gentle persuasion, but they can be devastating when placed on someone who has just found out that their partner is having an affair.
A successful marriage takes work. There will always be tests to see how well you and your spouse are doing. The problem is many couples set out to be successful and focus more on their happiness and less on making their marriage work. If you want to be successful then you need to have a strong foundation built on love, trust, and support from your spouse. By having those four pillars in place your marriage will be much stronger. Now that you know four pillars stand behind your relationship you will know what it takes to keep it working.