If your relationship has lost its fire and the spark that once brought it so much together, an unhappy marriage may be what you’re facing now. Constant bad news from the spouse can put a great strain on relationships, which lead to feelings of resentment and blame on one another. Constant criticism is also a sign that feelings of warmth and love for each other are slowly being replaced by cold judgment. Another very common sign of an unhappy marriage, unfortunately, is a nearly nonexistent sex life. Or, if you do actually have sex sometimes, it’s not all that good.
I used to be in that exact situation, and although it hurt my pride and ego, I didn’t want to let on in the hopes of saving my marriage. That’s why, for years, I put off getting married until I was sure that I wanted a divorce. Luckily, I eventually did get married, but it took me nearly seven years! During that time, I had no idea how to keep my partner happy and appreciated him as I had when we first got together. Now that my marriage is finally over, I realized that I needed to do what it takes to save my unhappy marriage and stop divorcing. I made these four steps to keep you from going through the same mistakes I did.
For starters, I realized that getting married was only a bad thing when my marriage was miserable. It was a good thing, though, if my relationship was miserable. So, before you get married, assess whether or not you two are really a good fit. For example, my husband’s family is from another country and we have to adjust to our new life together. My family is understanding and tries to understand things, but this sometimes leads to arguments, which makes it a challenge for us to keep our marriage happy.
Next, I realized that we needed counseling before we attempted to save my unhappy marriage. Counseling is a great way to make changes to your relationship and help you become aware of the problems you two are having when you live together. Through counseling, we were able to identify the conflicts we were having, and set goals for solving them. We also gained perspective on what our marriage meant to us individually and collectively.
Finally, if you feel that your marriage is heading towards a divorce, you need to slow down to give your partner space. If you immediately leave your partner when they express anger or hurt, this can create a power struggle that leads to anger and pain. Give your partner time to process what they are feeling. Give them space to deal with how their emotions are affecting their relationship with you, then come back after a few days to offer advice or assistance if they need it. Leaving someone when they are hurting, can be an even bigger mistake, as this can cause the hurt and confusion to fester and explode into even more intense anger and frustration.
Hopefully, now you know the truth about why so many people end up divorcing. Ignoring these dynamics may lead to even more unhappy marriage problems. Even if your relationship is at risk, you still have some work to do to keep it healthy and ensure that it survives. However, if you take the time to seek professional counseling, talk to your spouse about the conflict, find a new counselor and monitor the relationship’s ups and downs, you can greatly increase your chances of stopping the divorce process and saving your relationship from complete destruction.