Having children is a wonderful thing, but it’s not a magic wand that will restore a failing marriage. You still need to make time for your marriage and focus on your relationship. Having kids is a big responsibility, and you need to take good care of your marriage before and after having them. Intimacy are two of the enemies of intimacy, so don’t keep secrets from your spouse. This advice applies to both men and women.
When you’re giving marriage advice, you need to remember that each couple is unique. You can’t compare your marriage to someone else’s, even if you’ve read about how they’ve dealt with similar issues. Your marriage is unique, but that doesn’t mean you should be less of a person than your spouse. You should focus on how to help the newlyweds and not compare yourself to someone else.
Don’t change your spouse
If you want to have a successful marriage, don’t try to change your spouse. Every couple has different viewpoints and values, and a desire to change your spouse is both disrespectful and ineffective. You should work to change yourself instead of changing your partner. You are not the best judge of your spouse, so don’t try to change your spouse’s personality. Rather, embrace your partner’s strengths and accept them as they are.
Although your spouse can’t change, he or she can’t see a reason to change. Although some situations are acceptable, others can become dealbreakers. Know when to leave the room if your spouse becomes defensive and you feel threatened. If your spouse has been holding back their feelings for too long, you may want to leave the room. If your spouse has a history of abuse or a bitter spirit, the best course of action is to leave the situation.
Compliment your spouse every day. Complimenting your spouse on a daily basis builds a healthy relationship. And, it is the right thing to do. Compliment your spouse’s good qualities. If your spouse has a great personality, you will be happier with him or her. It won’t be easy but it’s a great way to keep your relationship going strong. When your partner appreciates you, he or she is more likely to reciprocate your sentiments.
Don’t be a jerk
Being a jerk in marriage is a sign that your man isn’t respecting you. The real jerk is one who is constantly bending his boundaries, has no empathy, and lacks emotional control. This trait is common in both males and females. Jerks typically surface after several months of dating. A jerk’s typical style is to pick up the pace and intimidate his wife. He does so to gain respect and control.
Don’t be a jerk: As a wife, you have the ability to control your own actions and words. If you seek peace, you will be known as a good wife and a peacemaker. The Lord will be pleased with you if you pursue peace. This peace will help you ignore your husband’s jerkiness. But if you’re not a jerk, it won’t hurt to try.
Don’t change your relationship style
Depending on the marriage advice you’ve received, you might be an avoidant attachment style or a secure, attached couple. If you identify as the former, you probably have a strong foundation for a happy marriage. If you’re the latter, you may have trouble recognizing signs of neediness in your partner, or simply struggle to trust and respect your partner. You might consider seeking a second opinion, such as a therapist.
Don’t change yourself
As much as possible, try to maintain the same personality and interests as your partner. Marriage is a long, hard process, and trying to change yourself is likely to create more conflict than it solves. A healthy relationship involves two happy individuals. In contrast, a controlling partner destroys the identity and interests of one or both individuals. This is especially true if both partners are constantly changing and evolving. To avoid this, try to avoid constantly changing yourself, so your partner will never feel the need to change as well.
Instead, encourage your partner to be his/her best. You are not their pet project; your partner is the one who is responsible for their own evolution. Your encouragement and love can help your partner reach their potential faster, but the journey to change yourself is not your responsibility. If your goal is to change your partner, you shouldn’t be in a relationship. Instead, encourage your partner to be themselves and be happy in their current state.
Set goals together
Setting goals together is an excellent way to make your marriage stronger and more fulfilling. Goal-setting improves communication and allows you to talk more about your own desires and dreams. It also reduces conflict, misunderstanding, and resentment. By setting goals together, you are both accountable for making the goals work. Here’s how to make this marriage advice work:
Make sure you set common financial goals together. Financial disagreements can cause tension in a relationship, so set financial goals together before you go ring shopping. Having common goals will help you stay on track financially, and make it easier to talk about money. Creating a budget together is also a good idea. Give every dollar a name and make sure you both agree on how much to spend on each. This will prevent any money arguments.
Once you’ve set the goals for the year, take some time to reflect on the year that’s passed. During this time, pray together about the goals you’ve set for yourself and your partner. According to Chris Brogan, your goals should fall under three big idea words for the year, or “lighthouses.” Make sure each goal aligns with one of those words. After you’ve set your goals together, you can then begin to make plans.
Listen to each other
When in a disagreement, listen to your partner. When you listen to your partner, you both gain a greater appreciation of their point of view. Try to make your remarks as nonjudgmental as possible, and try to put your argument into a more positive perspective. If you can’t make your point, listen with a sincere, open mind. Avoid generalizations; they rarely hold any merit. Your partner might not be interested in your opinion or you could be frightened to be intimate, which will only make matters worse.
Another piece of good marriage advice is to learn to listen with intent. You can do this by asking open-ended questions or using simple phrases to get your spouse to elaborate on their point. When listening to your spouse, remember to give your partner plenty of space to finish their point of view. By doing this, you will give your spouse a sense of understanding and love. And, you can’t listen to your partner when you don’t fully understand him or her.
Don’t give your all to your spouse
Before giving your all in a relationship, consider what you can offer and provide your spouse without creating resentment. Ask yourself what you need from your partner in return. Don’t blame past legitimate expectations for current problems in the relationship. Instead, ask yourself if your spouse is currently giving you everything you want and need. Providing what you need will go a long way in saving your relationship from disaster.
In love, you may want to anticipate your partner’s wishes and needs, and you may make exaggerated purchases to show your love. However, it can be difficult to sustain such overtures, and they can make your partner feel rejected. It can even lead to resentment and a growing sense of disillusionment. If you’re wondering why your spouse’s resentment is growing, here are some signs.