Some folks think that just because your marriage isn’t a success, you’ve achieved a successful marriage as well. Unfortunately, there are countless books out there written about the topic with just as much unsolicited advice as there are of the genuinely helpful books (is this the first book you’ve ever bought on this topic? ), and just as many differing opinions. Still, many people are successful in their marriages. So, why do some marriages fail, and what can you do to ensure your marriage is one that lasts for the long haul?
To answer my own question, the biggest obstacle to a successful marriage is usually how well the partners communicate. In order for a marriage to be successful, both partners must be open and honest with each other. If communication is strained or nonexistent between the partners, it’s usually pretty difficult for the relationship to progress beyond the communication issue. One way to work on communicating better is to take responsibility for mistakes, or even ask your partner to point them out (making sure they’re talking about them though! ).
Another key to a successful marriage is authenticity. Authenticity means being yourself, being true to your feelings, and being true to your partners’ needs. Being authentic means taking responsibility for your own emotions, feelings, and needs. It takes courage, but courageousness is absolutely required if you want your relationship to last.
One final factor that often makes a relationship fail is fatigue. Many couples complain that they’re feeling tired and run down after being together for years. This is a big factor in why marriages fail. Not only does fatigue play a large part in the exhaustion of everyday life, but many couples get so caught up in the everyday grind that they are hardly ever able to find time to be with each other. If you and your partner are tired and drained of energy every day, this can weigh you down greatly in terms of making your relationship work.
Finally, one of the biggest factors in a successful marriage occurs at the personal level. This involves self-respect, which your partner’s certainly need. Self-respect means having to say “no”, “no way” and being assertive without being overbearing. Your partners need to feel as though you respect and love them, as well as you respect and love yourself.
If you and your partner are struggling in a marriage right now, there are steps you can take that will help improve your relationship. The more conscious you are about these issues, the sooner you and your partner can start on a new, happier path toward a successful marriage. There is absolutely no shame in admitting that you need help or that you aren’t happy in your marriage. Every couple has problems, and there are steps you can take to improve your marriage.