If you are a Westerner, and have recently been married for quite some time, you may possibly be curious about the Western Maori way of living in marriage. Marriage counseling is not very common in the modern world, at least from what I understand. There is however a number of interesting points that come to mind about the Western Maori way of life. The main point of this article is to simply give you a general overview of their marriage counseling methods. My goal in this article is to get your attention, and hopefully you will then have a look deeper into this important subject.
Many marriages in the Western World today end in divorce due to a number of factors. A big one of these factors is bad communication between the husband and wife. This is why a great number of couples end up getting divorced from bad marriage counseling. Without good communication in a marriage, a lot of problems cannot be resolved, and as a result, the marriage breaks down and divorce occurs. A simple example of a bad marriage relationship can be illustrated by the phrase ‘a roommate marriage divorce’.
A Maori man and woman would often live together as in a ‘roommate marriage’. Because of a deep respect for this type of living, the Maori would never accept a marriage with another person, and would work very hard to protect his own personal space. In the case of the husband and wife, such a marriage counseling would often fail, and the couple would often argue and even end up in divorce.
For me, living with a man or a woman who lives in a ‘roommate marriage’ is very difficult. For the western men, living with a woman who wears many different traditional clothing, carries a number of traditional utensils and carries a number of western cultural beliefs is even more difficult. As a result, a western man would usually need the help of a marriage counseling service before he would be able to overcome his resistance to change. A Maori marriage counselor can offer you invaluable help by seeing things from your perspective, thus helping you overcome your fears and in turn your fears about changing the marriage.
Maori marriages are often a very harsh and uneventful one, because the couple rarely spends time together. Often, they share a small room in a tent together, and spend their evenings gossiping and talking. When a couple does get together, it is usually to have some fun at the expense of each other. Even when they do have a formal dinner together, it is usually after the man has had a drink.
As you can see from this example, marriage counseling between a man and a woman is a very difficult matter, because the two partners will always have very different opinions about things. Because of this, and because no written agreement exists, there is a real risk that the marriage counseling will simply not work. However, I would like to stress that the success of a marriage counselor with the Western Maori tribe was highly dependent upon the couple’s willingness to change, and the Maori spiritual beliefs regarding the marriage. The marriage counselor must play an important role in bridging the gaps between the two peoples’ different morals and values.